A retrospective ...

As a doctor, kind of patients I see everyday are not the same types most other doctors see and treat …. At the same time, not many others get so involved with their patients as do I get to, wantingly or unwantingly... .knowingly or unknowingly ….

For quite sometime, I ve been thinking of putting up a post on some of my day to day hospital life. But didn’t get into right kind of mood to do so.

Having done my specialization in oncology, invariably I face some situations which I would not want to if I was not in this profession. (Am I being too technical …? Or rather too medical..? J Oncology deals with cancer)

As a fresh MBBS graduate I was a lot impressed by one of our professor in Mangalore working in cancer department. When I chose this branch, I was discouraged by many. I was told that I will have to see lot of patients with pain, incurable disease, and deal in desperate conditions. And I thought, I m there or not, the condition remains as it is ….. So why run away, just because I might be unable to see so much of sufferings... So not really knowing what lies ahead, I went ahead. Real picture was as it was told to me...or worse.

I remember I was so taken aback to see all patients in the ward having some cancer….They were in all age groups , youngest was one 10 years old girl ….with ovarian cancer. All types of cancers …Some incurable …counting their days … some on treatment …. It was shocking to me. I was surprised to see my seniors and others in the hospital , who looked indifferent to all this around them … !!!!! how could they be .. ( As undergraduates , in MBBS , we are very little exposed to these kinds of patients. What we see for learning purposes are common diseases, diagnosis and treatment. All patients are sick ,but these kind of really really sick are not taken for teaching/learning purposes. We learn very little about cancer )

Very soon I was demotivated still when I saw regularly people dying in front of me ,due to advanced disease…. especially young patients. At times, they even died due to treatment related side effects …I still remember most of them years after they ve died. Suddenly I was wondering why the hell I chose to be here… Why did I become a doctor at first place...? I was lost, and thought of even leaving the course. Long treatment for months, or at times for years, cost involved, psychological stress patient and family undergoes, social problems arising in these families …. What not …. I just didn’t know how to handle all these.

Slowly I started seeing the other side of this spectrum….

As days passed, I saw many patients treated earlier coming for check ups, who were leading normal life. They had fought cancer and won. And we are fortuned to play a major role in their fight. Many of the cancers can be cured and many more controlled with modern treatments. If not cure, at least their sufferings can be lessened to great extent. And I learnt to treat the patients not only for his/her disease, but as a whole, as a human being, trying to help them to cope with the disease, to let us try our best.

To summarize, working here, I realized that in today s fast lane life, not many get to help others even if they want to. And I m lucky that I get into a profession where making someone feel better is my all time work. Not only that, in this process I have rediscovered myself. The experiences in this place (which I definitely want to post separately sometime) have changed this immature insecure doctor into much more patient, more mature, more open and more caring person , which has helped me not only professionally, but to enhance my personal relations too. I have no regrets for choosing this today …. (Except for I don’t Have an off on Saturday!!!! #$&* life is not fair #***# L )