Sep 8, 2006

A retrospective ...

As a doctor, kind of patients I see everyday are not the same types most other doctors see and treat …. At the same time, not many others get so involved with their patients as do I get to, wantingly or unwantingly... .knowingly or unknowingly ….

For quite sometime, I ve been thinking of putting up a post on some of my day to day hospital life. But didn’t get into right kind of mood to do so.

Having done my specialization in oncology, invariably I face some situations which I would not want to if I was not in this profession. (Am I being too technical …? Or rather too medical..? J Oncology deals with cancer)

As a fresh MBBS graduate I was a lot impressed by one of our professor in Mangalore working in cancer department. When I chose this branch, I was discouraged by many. I was told that I will have to see lot of patients with pain, incurable disease, and deal in desperate conditions. And I thought, I m there or not, the condition remains as it is ….. So why run away, just because I might be unable to see so much of sufferings... So not really knowing what lies ahead, I went ahead. Real picture was as it was told to me...or worse.

I remember I was so taken aback to see all patients in the ward having some cancer….They were in all age groups , youngest was one 10 years old girl ….with ovarian cancer. All types of cancers …Some incurable …counting their days … some on treatment …. It was shocking to me. I was surprised to see my seniors and others in the hospital , who looked indifferent to all this around them … !!!!! how could they be .. ( As undergraduates , in MBBS , we are very little exposed to these kinds of patients. What we see for learning purposes are common diseases, diagnosis and treatment. All patients are sick ,but these kind of really really sick are not taken for teaching/learning purposes. We learn very little about cancer )

Very soon I was demotivated still when I saw regularly people dying in front of me ,due to advanced disease…. especially young patients. At times, they even died due to treatment related side effects …I still remember most of them years after they ve died. Suddenly I was wondering why the hell I chose to be here… Why did I become a doctor at first place...? I was lost, and thought of even leaving the course. Long treatment for months, or at times for years, cost involved, psychological stress patient and family undergoes, social problems arising in these families …. What not …. I just didn’t know how to handle all these.

Slowly I started seeing the other side of this spectrum….

As days passed, I saw many patients treated earlier coming for check ups, who were leading normal life. They had fought cancer and won. And we are fortuned to play a major role in their fight. Many of the cancers can be cured and many more controlled with modern treatments. If not cure, at least their sufferings can be lessened to great extent. And I learnt to treat the patients not only for his/her disease, but as a whole, as a human being, trying to help them to cope with the disease, to let us try our best.

To summarize, working here, I realized that in today s fast lane life, not many get to help others even if they want to. And I m lucky that I get into a profession where making someone feel better is my all time work. Not only that, in this process I have rediscovered myself. The experiences in this place (which I definitely want to post separately sometime) have changed this immature insecure doctor into much more patient, more mature, more open and more caring person , which has helped me not only professionally, but to enhance my personal relations too. I have no regrets for choosing this today …. (Except for I don’t Have an off on Saturday!!!! #$&* life is not fair #***# L )


Blogger Harsha said...

I am a run away from the side of life that you are on. I hate human suffering. I can take any amount of pain, but I cannot see anyone else in pain. I cannot see the sight of others blood. Perhaps this is the reason, I never wanted to take up medical profession. I was particularly bad at bio in college. (And probably coz we couldnt afford me studying for those many years)

I would probably go mad, if I would see people death all around me. Death should always be instant, no pain, no suffering. Unfortunately its not like that. And for their families of the patient, its hardest. The parents who see their children die. (Its probably the worst thing that can happen to see a part of you die)

But I am glad, that there are people like you, who will cure the pain, who will share the pain and will fight death till the last moment. May god give you inner strength. I thank you for bringing the hope to those people.

3:43 PM  
Blogger AJEYA RAO said...

No wonder you got the "Old man beneath the tree speaks" :-)

I agree with you. Lifes experience make us strong to face the reality.

I definetly want you to share with us all those experience in your day to day life. I think that the best we learn, is from ours and others experiences.

1:03 AM  
Blogger reborn said...


:) I too dont like any sufferings..human or animals. But I thought by me running away , things wont change .. Ofcourse I can understand what u mean.Some of my friends didnt take up medicine for the same reason as you ..:)

And as far as me helping patients, I m not that good I feel . I do feel for them ,want to make them better, but at times I m impatient with them ... And end up repenting later . I ve worked on that aspect and improved a lot. still need to be more patient with patients... :)


:)I want to post on my other experiences ..what I learnt .. But dont know where to start from to ..:) so will take sometime to put them down i think ...
I realised while posting this post ... may be I too have got some angels with me ...and didnt know all this time !!!

2:22 PM  
Blogger AJEYA RAO said...

:-) Look forward to read about your Angels. Humans have such wonderful power to influence and inspire others. But sometimes the same Angels never recognise or use their strengths for the right purpose. Just getting tooo philoso...:-) But a thought occured to me just now, Solutions to all our problems, are right here, around us, hidden in form of nature or humans. All we need is to recognise them...

11:11 PM  
Blogger reborn said...


correctly said . Solutions are aroud us !!! that s becoz pany times problems too are with us ..isnt it .. :)


Who s suparna .... !! how did u get that name !!! cant be a random guess .:)

8:13 PM  
Blogger Harish said...

Your job is next to god yaar.Kudos and Hats off....

6:08 AM  
Blogger jitendra kundeshwar said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:15 AM  
Blogger VENU VINOD said...

not many doctors feel like you. i've been in oncology ward of a hospital in m'lore for a month,with my loving, cancer affected grandfather. i used to see the sad faces of patients, and when my granfather died there i could not even weep, i might be desensitized of seeing the agony of oncology ward as a whole, and no wonder why most of the docs in that section are indifferent towards patients.
anyways nice postings here and thanks for visiting my blog too.

2:38 PM  
Blogger reborn said...


thanks , but it s not so harish ..:) we are just a part of the system .. It s more of individual attitudes involved ...

5:46 PM  
Blogger reborn said...

@ jitendra

I dont understand tulu much , still just wanted to let you know that you are not welcome in my blog !!!!

5:48 PM  
Blogger ketki said...

nice....u r doing a good job!

2:47 PM  
Blogger reborn said...


I was trying to change my profile ..and didnt realise my name was seen .. :)


Thank yo ketki .. Are you planning to become a doctor ..?

12:46 PM  
Blogger Srik said...

Wonderfully written!!

In fact, I am in tears for the reasons that I always wanted to be a doctor(was enrolled in a medical college also) But somethings compelled me to join engineering and IT industry later.

At least let me get a chance to cherish the life of a doctor in your posts, please. Write more on specific cases and enlighten us about your "rebirth"!! That'll be a great help.

4:29 PM  
Blogger reborn said...


thanks for visiting. Why did u leave the course.. Anyways destint has it s role one can change it ..isnt it ? :)

3:54 PM  
Anonymous Lazy_boy.. said...

I came across ur blog while searching for Kodchadri .. was only looking for the trek rout but kept reading on till the finish... Thanks

7:25 PM  

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