Oct 12, 2008

One life - To Live and Love

I m back as I promised ..( Not very sure if anyone bothers about that any more ... ! ) within a month ... or two or three.. or a bit more . May be I m late.. better late than never .. :)

Only significant change that s happened , which has changed my life in last few months is that I got a braodband . Good bye to reliance data card... Only thing they were prompt about was in disconnecting within a day if bill was not paid ..( which happened to me all the time for various reasons) .

Ok.. As usual , I start my post keeping something in mind and am heading somewhere else. Now that I ve realised it , I ll try to stick to what I wanted to post .

Inspite of being a doctor , I ve not posted much on my professional experiences . Many times I ve thought about various incidences or experiences and wanted to post. But when I sit for it , I dont feel like , sometimes because I dont want to think and go through some of them again . They hurt . Sometimes , when I try to put down , I dont feel the same way I felt about them earlier. They dont hurt .. or may be ( read it as definately ) there are few things , to which I ve become immune as a doctor. I feel some of you may think I m very bad .. If so , let me know , just because I want to know.

I know , I m not a bad doctor . May not be the best one around too.. But I know my patients pain , problems they face during diagnosis, treatment and after that . I try beyond my level to make things better... . With time , I m becoming more understanding towards their needs. In turn , it has helped me improve too as a person . But at the same time , somewhere I learnt not to carry all these with me all the time ... I learnt that I must take the positive side of this profession , where I get to interact with so many people , get the joy of helping so many , and get to learn so much about medicine and life beyond it .. ( Plus make some money too ... in case anyone thinks I m working for free... I am not ) . I must not let the negative aspects of sufferings , depressoins , hopelessness affect me beyond a limit. If I carry all of that with me , it doesnt make anything better for anyone. There is only one life to live ..and to love . And we never know how much time we have .. or others have ...

I dont know how many ( of those few who read this ) can relate with me in this ..

One of my colleague recently got his sister to hospital, who was married 7 months ago. She was just 28 . What started as small pain in the abdomen and uneasiness was finally diagnosed as cancer in the stomach wall, which had spread to the ovaries , making it last stage cancer. She will die within a year .

Everyone was shocked. It s always disturbing to see such things or explain to someone the outcome of such conditions. It s a bit more disturbing when it happens to someone around u. This colleague is a very playful person , talkative and still child like. Suddenly in a matter of 3 days , his life changed forever. I hope he regains himself with time.

First person I felt bad for was her husband . Depending on how bonded he and she were in last 7 months of their marital life, I felt it could be a big blow to him.. or he might just get over it and remarry some time later. If you have ever loved someone , you ll know what I m talking about when I say , the partner is the one who will get affected most. May be otherwise too u might know ... depends on your mindset. I know many may not feel so. One of my colleague said, the good thing about the whole issue was that she did nt have any kids ... What nonsense..!!! What s good about anything in such matters? Everything is bad ... desperate condition . I think the person who made this comment has never loved anyone ..or may be he meant something else but he said it that way.

As I sit and type this , my philosophical side of mind knows what I m talking about. But my other side ( materialistic side ? ) is as always planning lot of things like tomorrow s lunch , Deepawali holidays , Hampi trip and so many more dreams .... ( Dont expect any post on these trips for next 6 months ....) . It has all plans for long life and lasting love .. because whatever said and done , hope for them is the key for happiness...

Today my brain is overflowing with lots of philosophical thoughts. I m forcibly putting an end to them , as I feel my brain needs some rest now ( likely to extend anywhere between 3 to 6 months..that makes it next year ? Happy new year in Advance to all of you ... ) .

Till then Enjoy maadi and live and love a lot :) ...